Forgive me… I Was There, Too

Forgive Me… I Was There Too

There is a weight resting on me this weekend that will not move, and actually, I am not asking it to. This is the kind of weight that will sit you all the way down, quiet your spirit, and make you look at yourself a little longer than you planned. Clarity shows up in moments like this, and what I see now is something I cannot ignore.

The cross is all I see.

The childhood version I learned in the “Sunshine Band” (iykyk) has faded, and routine remembrance has stepped aside. Calvary stands in full view, and when I allowed my heart to sit there long enough, one question rose up and would not let me go: what if I were there?

Standing on that hill, hearing the crowd, seeing Him mocked, seeing Him beaten, watching Him carry a cross He did not deserve… still refusing to put it down. Jesus. My sweet Jesus.

Isaiah 53:5 declares that He was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities, and that truth has become deeply personal.

For ours.

For mine.

He literally did that just for me! Whew🥹🙏🏾!

That realization will sit heavy on you, and it will not let you go until you deal with it.

Three things have settled in my spirit as I sat with this, and I want to share them with you.

The first thing is this…

1. The Cross Was for Me Too

A safe distance is easy to keep when the story feels far away, yet revelation will close that distance every single time.

Sin required a sacrifice.

Their sin.

My sin.

Our sins!

Isaiah made it plain - He was wounded for our transgressions. Every failure, every moment of disobedience, and every time my will rose above His… the cross answered for it. Romans 8:1 removes condemnation, yet conviction remains, and conviction will bring you to a place of humility.

A heart that truly understands the cross does not stay lifted in pride.

It bows.

That truth keeps echoing in my spirit, and I cannot ignore it. I keep coming back to it, not out of repetition, but out of revelation. This thing is hitting me in a way I have never felt before in this season of my life.

Perfection is nowhere near my reality. Flaws, mistakes, and moments of falling short have all been a part of my journey. Yet the understanding that Jesus Christ endured all of that… just for me… shifts everything.

Yes, I am making it personal.

The thought alone is overwhelming. Knowledge that He already knew every decision I would make, every time I would miss the mark, every moment I would fall short… and still chose the cross… humbles me in a way words cannot fully explain.

Every blow they struck… He felt it with me in mind.

Every step He took on His way to Calvary’s Hill… He carried it with me in mind.

Every drop of blood He shed… was for me.

That kind of love will stop you in your tracks.

That kind of love will bring you to your knees.

That kind of love will make you say:

Lord, forgive me.

The second thing that settled in my spirit is this…

2. The Betrayal Was Close

Before the nails, betrayal showed up.

Jesus experienced rejection from the world, yet one of his greatest betrayals came from someone who walked with Him, sat with Him, and knew Him personally. John 13:21 tells us He was troubled in spirit when He spoke of the one who would betray Him, and that truth carries weight.

Betrayal comes from proximity.

Life still reflects that same reality. Deep wounds often come from those who were close enough to know you, close enough to walk with you, and still chose otherwise.

That will sit heavy on you if you let it.

God does not make mistakes. Romans 8:28 reminds us that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose.

All things.

The betrayal.

The pain.

The silence.

The abandonment.

The broken promises.

The heartbreak.

The cross.

Nothing is wasted in the hands of God.

The third thing that settled in my spirit is this…

3. He Got Up… and That Gave Me Another Chance

The story does not end at the cross. 

The same Jesus who was mocked, beaten, and crucified rose again!! The stone was rolled away, death was defeated, and He got up with all power in His hands!! All power!!!

He didn’t stay there!! 

He got up!!

That changes everything.

The cross reveals sacrifice, yet the resurrection reveals victory. Victory means failure is not final. Mistakes do not have the last word. Grace makes room for another chance, another step, another opportunity to get it right.

He got up!!

That truth means I get another chance.

Another chance to grow.

Another chance to align.

Another chance to walk this thing out the right way.

Grace has the final say.

Another layer has been resting on me as well.

Life has shifted since my diagnosis of vision loss. Movement feels different, presence feels different, and the spaces I once moved through freely now require intention. Time around people has not been as frequent.

This past week changed that.

Moments at my book signing, time in church, and everything in between placed me back in rooms I had not been in for a while. Joy showed up. Gratitude showed up. Vulnerability showed up.

Something else showed up too.

Weight.

Every moment felt intentional. Every interaction felt heightened. Recognition came quietly - these moments may not be as frequent in this season. Nothing is wrong, something is shifting, and God is working beneath the surface.

Trust has taken the lead.

Those moments were not simply about being seen by people. Repositioning was taking place.

Focus has shifted.

The crowd is no longer the focus.

The moment is no longer the focus.

The experience is no longer the focus.

The cross is.

One week ago, I was standing. Nervous excitement, expectancy, and vulnerability filled the room as I stepped into my first book signing and shared my story.

One week later, I am bowed.

Everything looks different from the foot of the cross. Matthew 16:26 brings it into perspective—what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?

So now I come humbled.

My prayer is simple:

Lord, forgive me. 🙏🏾

Forgive me for making my problems bigger than Your purpose.

Forgive me for losing sight of what truly matters.

Forgive me for allowing anything or anyone to come before You.

Clarity has come.

Romans 5:8 declares it—while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

While I was yet…

He died.

For me.

When that truth settles deep, when it becomes more than words and turns into revelation, there is only one response that can rise up from your soul.

Thank You, Jesus. 🙌🏾

If you know He’s been good, go ahead and say it right where you are!

Thank You, Jesus!!! 

I truly thank God for each and every one of you who took the time to sit with me, to read these words, and to let this message rest on your heart. My prayer is that something was said that pricked your spirit, humbled your soul, and drew you just a little closer to the cross.

Don’t you rush past this moment. Don’t you shake this off too quickly. Let this stay with you. Let it work on you. Let it correct you, cleanse you, and remind you of just how much God loves you.

As we celebrate Resurrection Day, don’t just shout because He got up! Understand why He got up. Don’t just clap your hands! Live a life that reflects His sacrifice. Walk in that grace. Move in that mercy. 

Carry yourself like somebody who knows they were worth dying for.

He got up with all power in His hands!

Power to save.

Power to heal.

Power to restore.

Power to give you another chance!

And since He got up… you don’t have to stay where you were. You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to stay the same.

So go on and give Him glory!

Go on and lift your hands right where you are!

Go on and open your mouth and tell Him thank You!

Enjoy Resurrection Day, friends, 

and don’t you ever forget…

it was for you too!!!

God bless you!

🙌🏾🔥